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Eighty Nine Divided by One Hundred Equals One

Posted by James M. Helms on June 24, 2007

“Would you like fries with that?” he asked in broken English. “Yes I will take the meal” I answered. “Will that be all?” he inquired again. Faltering, I had assumed that my message had been received and that assumptions would indicate that there was only one of me and if I had wanted something else I would have said so. Yet this ploy, if it is a ploy, caused me to second guess my original intentions of eating a lighter meal. I had intended to eat a minimal amount of food loaded with fat, cholesterol, and other bad stuff in an amount that would set well with my subconscious. “Yes…oh wait no, I will have an apple pie too” I answered, completely broken of my will to prolong life an extra month. In apparent miscommunication he verified “Okay, and two apple pies”. “No, only one” I clarified. “Sir, it’s the same, one apple pie is 89 cents; you get two apple pies for a dollar” he informed me. Once again, I had a life prolonging dilemma. How many other times have I been faced with these life altering decisions? I wondered. Resolute to only die two months sooner instead of three, I held firm. “I will take one apple pie” I said, while concurrently explaining my decision with three “flumpy” pats on my slightly distended stomach. Proud of my fortitude I subconsciously patted myself on the back, “what a good choice” I thought. Believing the issue settled I was soon to be proved wrong. In an apparent need to explain the situation my ever so kind cashier clarified his perspective. “Okay, one apple pie, I was just trying to save you some money” this being said while ever so slightly rolling his eyes at my utter stupidity.


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